The Difference

The moment I succumbed into the feelings you triggered, I've accepted the fact that sooner or later, there will be a falling out. In fact, while I was enjoying these certain feelings, I always prepared myself for the worst: that tomorrow will be the day we both dread. While I always expected pain, you continued to see everything good in what we had.  

But it's different now...

Day by day, I'm falling into pieces. I can feel that we're falling apart, yet you seem to be completely fine. Has the world turned upside down?

The Only Exception

I've always believed that there's an end to everything. But now, I'm hoping -- that we become the exception.

My mind's racing...

In your message you said
You were going to bed
But I'm not done with the night

And I try not to dream
But them possible schemes
Swim around, wanna drown me in sync

I Wanna Know You

It's been far too long since I last convinced myself that I should make time for this online journal. It's not laziness (wow, this is new!), I'm afraid, it's just one of those too-hectic-schedule week.

I'm actually going to school seven days a week. Who the heck does that?! Monday-Friday, of course, the daily routine. Saturday, CAT training. How can I forget? And on Sunday? The fast-paced college entrance exams review. Ughhh. Why is my life so irritating?

Another thing, I'm starting to have crushes on some guys. Lol. I don't usually have these kinds of feelings, I tried not to have them and I never did have them. Lol. I don't consider having crushes, just sweet, sweet love. But anyway, I'm enjoying it. Hahaha. There's this CAT officer, he's not good-looking, but he's funny. He's got a great sense of humor. And I really like him. Hee. He asked what's my surname earlier, and he remembered me! From the COLT days, I meant. Hahaha. Whatever, I don't like like him, I just like that he's funny. Whatever! I just realized that I'm starting to blah over and over again by the same thing. Btw, I even researched for his friendster account. Lol, so now I'm a stalker.

Moving on, I have another crush! From the review class. He's really funny too. Like I said, I like funny people. And he's really friendly. But whatever, I still don't know him. So yeah. I think I'll enjoy more from this crush things.

But I do miss some things that these crushes don't yield. I miss the old days, when I was a pedophile. Lol. I'm not making any sense again.

Really moving on... I'm still working on the Ateneo form essay. I still don't know if it's good enough. Oh well, I'll have to proofread anyway. It'll give me more time before August comes. We'll be having an educational trip, by the way. It's on the World Trade Center. Some exhibit and seminar about environmental science.

Well whatever, I have to do some researching for a debate on Tuesday. It's about the legalization of divorce. And guess what, I was assigned to the pro group. Yeah, at first, I thought the debate was not really a debate and is one-sided. But when I tried to think about it, we might still have a chance. I've researched about it. And I found out that the Philippines, Malta and the Vatican City's the only countries left to not approve of the legalization of divorce. Divorce has some good attributes after all.


Today was fun, and tiring. Sooooo tiring. We went to the University of the Philippines - Diliman Campus to submit my application form. When we already got there, I was shocked. UP looks like that? Woah. I thought it was far from how Ateneo is. 'Twas the same, even better. We went outside the campus again, to pay for the testing permit. The line was too long at the Land Bank inside the up campus, so we went to find another branch. And, I used one of the copies of my 2x2 photo for some class. I needed 4 copies but I only had 3. So we needed to recopy it, and we did. Now, I have 423423423423423 copies.

I got my test permit. I'll be taking the UPCAT on August 2 at 6:30 on the morning. Gaaaah. This will give me a headache. After the whole UP tour thing, and the boy hunting!, we went to Ateneo, which means, MORE BOYS! I missed that school. I missed everything about it. We went to a seminar at Ateneo during my first year in high school. The ambiance seemed different. I don't know why, but it just does. So anyway, I've got my application form already. It costs 500 Php. I'm having second thoughts about what course I've filled up on the UPCAT form and if I really wanna study there. Ateneo! Why are you doing this to me?

FYI, Ateneo used to be my dream school. It used to be my dream stepping stone to success. But when I found out about the course list they offered, I was disappointed and I dedicated my next year to adoring UP. Ughh. Can't I just study at two places? Can I have more time to study? Can't I have two courses at a time?

I hate studying, really. But after some time, I realized that I want to devote my years in studying. I want to learn more, I want to fill up my knowledge about everything. I want to broaden my horizons. I want to learn everything, if possible.

So before I turn this entry into a help-me-find-myself-rant, can you help me choose between the two beautiful schools? I'm not even sure if I can pull the entrance exams off, but I'm sure I can survive this.

I'll be taking review classes starting on Sunday, btw. I just wanna come prepared. I used to think that I am confident enough, that I can do this by myself. But because all of this pressure on me, because all of the tiring days me and my mom have put on my future, I guess I lost some of the confidence. Or maybe I was just being stubborn and now I've come to face reality. I don't think that the review class is essential, but it is never better not to be ready, right? I don't think that my brain power isn't enough, I just wanna refresh all these brain cells. And some part of me, just a little, wants to show off to the students who'll be eating my dust during the simulation exams. Haha. I know, I'm just confident. Lol.

I was gonna enroll at the review center somewhere at Katipunan, near Ateneo and UP. But the review center in Molino is still available, so I'll be devoting my time there during Sundays. I was gonna prepare myself from the traffic and travel boredom. Too bad, I can't experience to travel by myself during these months. I guess, I'll just have to be ready next school year.

Try to hold on.

Wow. It's been a while since I last updated this. I changed the layout. I'm too lazy and busy to make my own custom, so I just used a pre-made one. And since I've deleted the old code, I lost the links. Just tag me so I can relink you.

I'd try to update this every once in a while. I've been inactive not only here, in DeviantArt too. I miss poetry. I haven't had any time to reflect and write things. I've been pre-occupied with my UPCAT application. At last, I can submit my requirements tomorrow. Too bad I'll have to leave school. I wish the classes will be canceled tomorrow. I don't wanna miss any lectures, I don't wanna miss anything.

The next months will be too hectic for me. I need to review for the entrance examinations. I know, there will be a lot of tests and projects to be submitted for the class. Not to mention our thesis! I need time to write. I need time to play JamLegend! I need to have 32 hours in one day. More time! Time to hold on to.

Enough about the rants, there are a lot happening in school. Our computer teacher resigned, so I think I'll have to bear the new ways the new teacher will bring. I wish he/she is as good as the previous one, or maybe better. I love the topic, Photoshop, Photography and Web Designing. Everything I don't have to worry about. Also, I've noticed I've been really active in class recitations, unlike last year when I barely spoke. This year is my year. I'm excelling Physics! And English and everything. Except maybe for Anal. Geom. I hate radical signs. Give me all the numbers, just not the ones with radicals. Ughh.

The classes been canceled for two days now. Yay, no CAT!