There have been a lot of changes going on my blog. I felt something pulling the trigger to put some public advertisements or so. But let me tell you something, I hate the position of the Google Adsense. They should let the bloggers pick a choice on where to put the ad. But whatever, I can't do anything about it.
There's this forms I've placed in. One is for the question and answer thing. And the other one is for the requests that I've been really waiting for all my life. I'm tired of using multiply and friendster as the only connection for those people who requests a lot. So I thought I needed a blog for that, and that's what I'm gonna make soon as someone requests anything.
I've also put the recent comments' widget since I got attracted to it when I was roaming around Haloscan. hahaha. I know, weird and insane. And I've updated my links. There's two new ones. I also changed the song. I heard that song once again and I got infatuated, AGAIN.
I'm also having trouble with the archiving. I wanted to have a daily archive but I just can seem to do it, so I just got the links and I type, type, type the codes which is so tiring. So far, that's all. And I'm planning to have a "What's new? corner". I've had a hard time finding a widget for that. Come what may.
So about my life, there's still no sign of illness in my body. :[ We think I'm kinukulam. I'm gonna have a consultation later with the albularyo. And my teachers suggested that I consult a Psychiatrist/Psychologist. I'm gonna go there tomorrow, I think. They're assuming that I'm just stressing out or whatsoever. I'm gonna go back to school next week, I guess. Or maybe as soon as I feel less irritated with this stupid aches. I have to take a bath now so I'll edit this later and reply to comments in friendster since they all piled up. I think there's a hundred or more comments still pending. WOAH, that's a lot of people.
WOW, I think I've got the first request, and it's a layout ;)
Lyann, dear, what's the design or so? Tag me or add me in Y!M. It's leeannemae_sheets. I know, it is cheesy. HAHA.
[EDITED]
Today, I changed the signature and I did a lot of modifications. I changes how the request form looked like, and I added a search bar. :|
Life is so boring. I'm thinking of two url's for the request and question thingy. CAN YOU HELP ME WITH IT? COMMENT.
And I'm also kinda bored to do a layout. CAN YOU MAKE ME ONE? COMMENT.
Life really is boring. And I'm not yet done with replying to those effin' comment. grr. Bye.
----------------------- 1:34 AM -----------------------
Confidential
These past days have been very hard days for me. My friends don't trust me anymore. And much worse things. I just don't know how to react.
On Tuesday, me and my mom will go to Manila again to prepare for the endoscopy and colonoscopy. What are those? Search for it in the internet, you have the tools. I really think that if I were the one to explain you that, you'll be disgusted in the procedure. I'm brutal when it comes to explaining, and even the most minute details, I'll reveal it to you.
That night, I'll have to eat light dinner and drink phosposoda and gatorade for bowel purposes. It's so that my colon will be clean.
Wednesday is the big day. At 10 am, my life will never be the same and it will be the moment of truth. I'm excited and scared at the same time. What if my illness is in the worst state? I don't know what will I do then. Maybe I'll just stop going to that school where my so called friends study. I can't let them see the scars that remained in my heart. Their harsh words affected me. I hope they didn't visit me last Friday, things just got worse.
Yes, last Friday, they went in our house. Including Dale, they interrogated me about my illness, and I answered that we don't know what it is yet. And yea, they don't believe me at all. I felt my intestines deteriorating back then. I felt really humiliated when they said that they don't believe me at all even if it was a joke. I had no time for jokes. I got really worried with myself. I didn't know what I did wrong. I didn't know why all these are happening to me.
Anyhow, I wanted to change my religion fromRoman Catholic to Iglesia ni Cristo. I felt really enlightened when I first heard their words. I felt so much embraced by the Lord. I think I'll fit in more there than in my religion before. I don't know how to tell my family but I'll think of someway soon.
I nearly cried earlier when I read my classmate's comments. I needed someone to talk to but there's no one there to comfort me, to let me understand them. I hate what I'm feeling now.
Everything seemed so hard for me. I got very emotional and I came up with these icons. :D
On Tuesday, me and my mom will go to Manila again to prepare for the endoscopy and colonoscopy. What are those? Search for it in the internet, you have the tools. I really think that if I were the one to explain you that, you'll be disgusted in the procedure. I'm brutal when it comes to explaining, and even the most minute details, I'll reveal it to you.
That night, I'll have to eat light dinner and drink phosposoda and gatorade for bowel purposes. It's so that my colon will be clean.
Wednesday is the big day. At 10 am, my life will never be the same and it will be the moment of truth. I'm excited and scared at the same time. What if my illness is in the worst state? I don't know what will I do then. Maybe I'll just stop going to that school where my so called friends study. I can't let them see the scars that remained in my heart. Their harsh words affected me. I hope they didn't visit me last Friday, things just got worse.
Yes, last Friday, they went in our house. Including Dale, they interrogated me about my illness, and I answered that we don't know what it is yet. And yea, they don't believe me at all. I felt my intestines deteriorating back then. I felt really humiliated when they said that they don't believe me at all even if it was a joke. I had no time for jokes. I got really worried with myself. I didn't know what I did wrong. I didn't know why all these are happening to me.
Anyhow, I wanted to change my religion from
I nearly cried earlier when I read my classmate's comments. I needed someone to talk to but there's no one there to comfort me, to let me understand them. I hate what I'm feeling now.
What would you do if there is no one else to be with you in the loneliest times?
Everything seemed so hard for me. I got very emotional and I came up with these icons. :D
----------------------- 6:36 AM -----------------------
New layout.
Last week was a total piece of CRAP, as usual. It was filled with different emotions that lingers beneath me. I didn't know what to do so in conclusion, I got REALLY confused and stubborn at the same time.
Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were the usual pains and aches centered day. And besides I can't really remember what I did those days except crumble and crouch on the bed or on the sofa. And of course I did linger on my computer and watch some of those not-so-boring stuffs on the television. So last week was mainly composed of Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Thursday, August 16,2007. It was supposed to be one of my ecstatic days on the month of August but it turned to be a mournful season.
Dieciséis, seize, sechzehn, sedici, zestien, dezesseis, seksten, SIXTEEN. All of these words point out to that special number/date that I have been waiting for all of my life. It is our 9th monthsary, Dale and I. I was thinking of him that day and I didn't knew why I couldn't get him out of my head. I was imagining things, things I've never encountered before, things that are sweeter than candy, but unreachable like stars. Then I checked out the calendar, I was very very shocked. It was August 16 and I forgot. It must be because I haven't seen Dale online those days. And gosh, I miss him so much. I think I'm dying or maybe I'm just over-exaggerating.
Well, being not with him at our most special day is simply the suck fest. And I felt like there's this great gap between us ever since I never saw him again. And I hope it's not getting worse. I don't want us to fall apart. Maybe we are already falling apart. These thoughts, they're killing me softly.
My online friends was wondering how could I survive those lonely nights without him. The truth is, I can't. My heart was slowly crushed into a hundred folds. And it will never be back together again, it's simply impossible. Enough of this wreck, I'll tell more important matters.
At that very moment, my mother remembered what the optometrist told us:I should go get glasses. NOOOOOOOOOO (in slow motion). What am I gonna do? Nothing, except plead and beg and die. I don't want to be a freak show. Haha. Well, I never was a freak show and never will. The glasses were okay. Not geeky and nerdy at all, just the right one. I'll show a picture soon as the camera gets fixed.
And that afternoon, I went to a kiddie party. T'was fun and very exciting. It was held on Mcdonald's and I was quite hoping that I was gonna see my friends and classmates but I found no luck at all. Anyways, I saw my classmate and her sister at the mall. I missed her and it was great that I saw her. Then I went home and continued those television sessions.
Friday was a blissful day, I get to watch fun movies. It's like there was me and the television alone. Movie trips are the best medicine when you feel alone. That's when I got addicted to John Heder. I mean I watched all of his movies and searched some facts about him through the internet then I watched the movies all over again and again. Isn't that addiction? I like his movies: Napoleon Dynamite, Blades of Glory and The Benchwarmers. They were the bomb. They were so hilarious that I forgot to eat. And that was a record. I couldn't stand a minute without eating. Yea, I'm that addicted to food too.
(Click to enlarge)
Then after that great trip, we went to our family friends' house. My brother and sister will sleep over there for awhile since me and my mother will go to Manila again. I didn't want to leave that house at all because of those precious DVD's and VCD's. I wanted to have a movie trip again. So before we left, I finished one movie. I watched 300 since I didn't really enjoyed it at the first time I saw it. So yea, It was a bloody hell and I was pretty amazed by the Spartans' wise strategies. They were very faithful to their land unlike some people. Well anyways, I'll just skip the hospital thing. It makes me remember all the dreadful things that happened to me.
Today, I'm just feeling ever so sad. And hatred takes over me. I just loathe people who are so unfaithful. They stab you on the back and they pretend that they're your friends. I'll just pray that they find the direction they need in life.
Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were the usual pains and aches centered day. And besides I can't really remember what I did those days except crumble and crouch on the bed or on the sofa. And of course I did linger on my computer and watch some of those not-so-boring stuffs on the television. So last week was mainly composed of Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Thursday, August 16,2007. It was supposed to be one of my ecstatic days on the month of August but it turned to be a mournful season.
Dieciséis, seize, sechzehn, sedici, zestien, dezesseis, seksten, SIXTEEN. All of these words point out to that special number/date that I have been waiting for all of my life. It is our 9th monthsary, Dale and I. I was thinking of him that day and I didn't knew why I couldn't get him out of my head. I was imagining things, things I've never encountered before, things that are sweeter than candy, but unreachable like stars. Then I checked out the calendar, I was very very shocked. It was August 16 and I forgot. It must be because I haven't seen Dale online those days. And gosh, I miss him so much. I think I'm dying or maybe I'm just over-exaggerating.
Well, being not with him at our most special day is simply the suck fest. And I felt like there's this great gap between us ever since I never saw him again. And I hope it's not getting worse. I don't want us to fall apart. Maybe we are already falling apart. These thoughts, they're killing me softly.
My online friends was wondering how could I survive those lonely nights without him. The truth is, I can't. My heart was slowly crushed into a hundred folds. And it will never be back together again, it's simply impossible. Enough of this wreck, I'll tell more important matters.
At that very moment, my mother remembered what the optometrist told us:
And that afternoon, I went to a kiddie party. T'was fun and very exciting. It was held on Mcdonald's and I was quite hoping that I was gonna see my friends and classmates but I found no luck at all. Anyways, I saw my classmate and her sister at the mall. I missed her and it was great that I saw her. Then I went home and continued those television sessions.
Friday was a blissful day, I get to watch fun movies. It's like there was me and the television alone. Movie trips are the best medicine when you feel alone. That's when I got addicted to John Heder. I mean I watched all of his movies and searched some facts about him through the internet then I watched the movies all over again and again. Isn't that addiction? I like his movies: Napoleon Dynamite, Blades of Glory and The Benchwarmers. They were the bomb. They were so hilarious that I forgot to eat. And that was a record. I couldn't stand a minute without eating. Yea, I'm that addicted to food too.
(Click to enlarge)
Then after that great trip, we went to our family friends' house. My brother and sister will sleep over there for awhile since me and my mother will go to Manila again. I didn't want to leave that house at all because of those precious DVD's and VCD's. I wanted to have a movie trip again. So before we left, I finished one movie. I watched 300 since I didn't really enjoyed it at the first time I saw it. So yea, It was a bloody hell and I was pretty amazed by the Spartans' wise strategies. They were very faithful to their land unlike some people. Well anyways, I'll just skip the hospital thing. It makes me remember all the dreadful things that happened to me.
Today, I'm just feeling ever so sad. And hatred takes over me. I just loathe people who are so unfaithful. They stab you on the back and they pretend that they're your friends. I'll just pray that they find the direction they need in life.
----------------------- 12:40 AM -----------------------
Twisted
Today wasn't really a bad day. Today is a good day for telling stories and the like. I'll talk about the journey I've been through last week.
My mother and I went to Manila, specifically Taft, for a consultation in a hospital. We actually thought that we I will encounter an operation but it was nearly the opposite.
We first went to the pediatrician since I am just thirteen years old. The doctor asked me questions related to my complain and diagnosed my abdomen. She then told us that she'll refer me to a radiologist, to conduct an ultrasound; an ob-gynecologist, to see if I have any problems in my reproductive system; to a gastro-interologist, to see if i have any malfunctions in the organs located at my abdomen; and to a pathologist, to diagnose me using different examinations.
We first went to the radiologist. The nurse put some gel-like substance on my abdomen and had a thing with a roller-like stuff. Then I saw my kidney on the screen. It was quite unusual and weird looking since all the colors are just black, white and gray. I was amazed when the doctor said something like:
I said that I had history of it. I was wondering how did he knew that. WOAH. haha. Well anyways, the doctor said there's nothing wrong with my kidneys and bladder. So we quickly rushed to the ob-gynecologist.
The doctor asked things again. And this was the shocking part, the doctor conducted a rectal examination on me. Do you know what that means? I was almost divirginized by the doctor. Pheww. Good thing it was only the rectal procedure.
After that, I went to the pathologist and had my blood test, urinalysis, and fecalysis. All was normal and the doctors can't figure out what is my illness.
Since the gastro-interologist was on leave, we'll have to go back there next week, Saturday. And I have to intake lots of medicine. That was my journey so far. I didn't elaborate much of the story. I'm kinda getting lazy. haha. So maybe I'll edit this one later. And I'll take a rest for now or maybe I'll eat first.
My mother and I went to Manila, specifically Taft, for a consultation in a hospital. We actually thought that we I will encounter an operation but it was nearly the opposite.
We first went to the pediatrician since I am just thirteen years old. The doctor asked me questions related to my complain and diagnosed my abdomen. She then told us that she'll refer me to a radiologist, to conduct an ultrasound; an ob-gynecologist, to see if I have any problems in my reproductive system; to a gastro-interologist, to see if i have any malfunctions in the organs located at my abdomen; and to a pathologist, to diagnose me using different examinations.
We first went to the radiologist. The nurse put some gel-like substance on my abdomen and had a thing with a roller-like stuff. Then I saw my kidney on the screen. It was quite unusual and weird looking since all the colors are just black, white and gray. I was amazed when the doctor said something like:
Do you have urinary tract infection?
I said that I had history of it. I was wondering how did he knew that. WOAH. haha. Well anyways, the doctor said there's nothing wrong with my kidneys and bladder. So we quickly rushed to the ob-gynecologist.
The doctor asked things again. And this was the shocking part, the doctor conducted a rectal examination on me. Do you know what that means? I was almost divirginized by the doctor. Pheww. Good thing it was only the rectal procedure.
After that, I went to the pathologist and had my blood test, urinalysis, and fecalysis. All was normal and the doctors can't figure out what is my illness.
Since the gastro-interologist was on leave, we'll have to go back there next week, Saturday. And I have to intake lots of medicine. That was my journey so far. I didn't elaborate much of the story. I'm kinda getting lazy. haha. So maybe I'll edit this one later. And I'll take a rest for now or maybe I'll eat first.
----------------------- 5:15 AM -----------------------
Strange as it seems.
My happy days are over and yet I'm still wondering if I'll ever be happy again or did I even got happy. Somehow, I know that I'll find the answers to my questions. From the start, I've know that I'm a disaster and these things that happens, happened and will happen to me only proves that I am a DISASTER. Yet I must be strong, I must face what I despise. I need to flow along, I have to sacrifice. That italicized sentences are lines from a poem I've made before. Even the poem tells me my destiny. Enough of that stuff, let me show you something from my private journal.
I once believed in that quote. I made a fool of myself. You could never save me from all these problems. You couldn't even save me from myself. But I still think this fortune will come true someday. I hope so, that's all that I can do. Please, give me a sign that you're worth dying for. Please, give me a sign that I'm worth loving for.
And just when I thought that I lost my everything, my hope brought me the brightest star you could ever imagine - YOU
I once believed in that quote. I made a fool of myself. You could never save me from all these problems. You couldn't even save me from myself. But I still think this fortune will come true someday. I hope so, that's all that I can do. Please, give me a sign that you're worth dying for. Please, give me a sign that I'm worth loving for.
----------------------- 3:00 AM -----------------------
First post un August.
This is my first post during the month of August. I'm so eager to write yet I'm having second thoughts for I learned that there are no more people who'd waste their time to read and be inspired with my literature. *Sighs. I feel more unappreciated. I feel apprehended by their actions. I feel like I deserve what I've been going through these past days. And I expect that you don't know what I have been through and what I am going through.
First, there is this big gap between me and my teacher. She knows who she is. I don't usually have problems with teachers, and I think I'm having bad impressions to the new ones. I know that I shouldn't bother to be close to any of them but we just can't resist. I never wanted to be a teacher's pet. And I never did. I just simply befriend them.
Second, I have this extremely painful stomach aches and traumatizing abdominal pains which we believe are symptoms of an ailment called APPENDICITIS. We still haven't gone to the doctor to have some check-ups but we will go to Manila to some hospital there hoping there would be a lot lesser price for my upcoming operation. That is if I really have appendicitis.
Third, I want to talk to Dale badly. I want to hug him tight. I miss him. I really really do. I can't be a martyr anymore. I have to release what I'm feeling inside. I can't hide them anymore.
That's pretty much it. I have tons of banners to do. I can't keep my peers waiting. I'll edit this post later.
First, there is this big gap between me and my teacher. She knows who she is. I don't usually have problems with teachers, and I think I'm having bad impressions to the new ones. I know that I shouldn't bother to be close to any of them but we just can't resist. I never wanted to be a teacher's pet. And I never did. I just simply befriend them.
Second, I have this extremely painful stomach aches and traumatizing abdominal pains which we believe are symptoms of an ailment called APPENDICITIS. We still haven't gone to the doctor to have some check-ups but we will go to Manila to some hospital there hoping there would be a lot lesser price for my upcoming operation. That is if I really have appendicitis.
Third, I want to talk to Dale badly. I want to hug him tight. I miss him. I really really do. I can't be a martyr anymore. I have to release what I'm feeling inside. I can't hide them anymore.
That's pretty much it. I have tons of banners to do. I can't keep my peers waiting. I'll edit this post later.
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